Seven Valuable Leadership Lessons from Reality Television Programs (Part 2 of 7: Conflict)

In this blog series, we'll explore 7 valuable leadership lessons gleaned from reality TV about change, conflict, coordination, compartmentalization, competence, communication, and consistency.

Each blog post is arranged into five sections: (1) a truth about reality television programs; (2) illustrative examples from popular past or current reality shows; (3) the leadership lesson learned from the truth; (4) a real world example of an individual, company, or institution that illustrates the lesson; and (3) three practical takeaways for you as a leader.

In this post, we focus on

Reality Television Truth (Part A)

Producers cast people with disparate, contrasting personalities to create conflict and ensure high viewership. For instance, the producer might cast a fundamentalist Mormon who refrains from sex, drugs, and alcohol to live in the same house as a self-described swinging bisexual atheist. You get the drift. The common thread among casting decisions is a diverse mix of differences. Be that race, gender expression, religious or spiritual beliefs, political party affiliation, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, age or cultural background.

Examples from Reality Television Programs

Big Brother, Real World, and Wife Swap are examples of social experiment shows. Real World is arguably the forerunning program for the reality television experiment. The premise of the show was both simple and genius. A group of people was selected to live together in a house and agreed to have their lives taped. There was a private confessional where the housemates reflected on the week’s events. These statements were then used in the finished episode.

Big Brother is a similar concept. The contestants live in a specially constructed house with cameras everywhere, and they have no contact with the outside world. Each week a contestant is evicted from the Big Brother house by vote of their housemates. Of course, this will involve a degree of game playing and collusion. The winner is decided by a jury of evicted houseguests who vote for the finalist they believe played the best game. The final two contestants make their case to the jury, who then secretly casts their vote for who should win the grand prize. The finalist who receives the majority of the jury's votes is declared the winner.

Listen to a snippet of this interview with then-producer Alison Grodner on how cast members are selected.

Then-Big Brother producer Alison Grodner discusses what they look for in cast members

Wife Swap is exactly what the name suggests. Two families swap wives for two weeks. During the first week, each wife must run the household in accordance with the house manual left for her by the other wife. In the second week, the wife gets to change the rules and the family must live according to those rules. At the end, the spouses are reunited and come together for a meeting with the other spouses to discuss what, if anything, they gained from the experience. Two weeks later, the show revisits the families to see what changes have occurred in their lives. Often times you will see that both families have moved closer to the middle in terms of their thinking.

A conservative, religious family swap with a family involved in a polyamorous relationship.

The Leadership Lesson (Part A)

Conflict in the workplace is inevitable, but it can be fruitful if channeled constructively. People can and do experience tremendous growth as a result of conflict, and the same is true for a team.

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Reality Television Truth (Part B)

Seemingly minor incidents are blown out of proportion into big storylines that provide fodder for next day water cooler conversations. What would be an ordinary, trivial incident for you and I in the “real world” is amplified in reality television world. Leaving a dirty dish in the sink or eating someone else’s food becomes an act of “war.” Why? Because the popularity of reality television is largely based on the degree to which drama can be created, even over the most mundane issues.

The Leadership Lesson (Part B)

It’s not necessarily the big stuff, but rather the cumulative effect of the unattended-to little things that will erode team morale and derail productivity.

Real World Example

The Philadelphia Eagles are my favorite sports team. In 2004, the Eagles signed Terrell Owens. Management thought T.O. would be the kind of deep threat wide receiver the Eagles had needed for so long to get over the hump. Surely with this final piece in place, quarterback Donovan McNabb and company would reach the Super Bowl promised land. And indeed they did. Unfortunately, they were defeated in a close game by the Tom Brady-led New England Patriots in Super Bowl XXXIX. T.O. came back after being out with a serious injury to play in the game, and finished with 122 yards on 9 receptions.

In the offseason, T.O. hired Drew Rosenhaus as his agent, seeking to renegotiate his contract so that he would be among the top 10 highest-paid wide receivers in the league. The Eagles front office had a longstanding policy of not renegotiating contracts, and they refused to budge. During this time, Owens made a comment that he was not the one that got tired during the Super Bowl, and many construed that remark as a shot at McNabb's conditioning. When the Eagles refused to renegotiate his contract, Owens threatened to boycott training camp. He did show up. When the 2005 season started, however, it would become clear that the Eagles-Owens marriage was headed for a less than amicable divorce.

Owens went on to make a number of provocative statements in interviews with media and make serious missteps that would alienate Eagles fans. He wore a throwback Michael Irvin jersey on the team airplane leaving Dallas after the Cowboys beat the Eagles badly. In an ESPN interview, he criticized the Eagles for not recognizing his 100th touchdown. He said that had Brett Favre been the QB in the Super Bowl, the Eagles would have won because Favre was a warrior. Clearly, this was another direct shot at McNabb, who himself had been playing with a number of injuries, including a sports hernia.

Owens was suspended for 4 games for conduct detrimental to the team. He was later deactivated for the rest of the season, never to play in an Eagles jersey again. The damage had been done. There were widespread reports of a deep schism within the locker room, as some players sided with Owens while others sided with McNabb.

Three Takeaways for You as a Leader

• First, productive conflict can be a springboard for creative thinking, innovation, and problem solving.

  
  

• Second, unproductive conflict should be addressed at the time it arises. Ignored conflict doesn’t disappear. It festers.

  
  

• Third, conflict avoidance is fatal to your team’s growth.

Bonus: Karleen Savage is a certified hostage and crisis negotiator with years of experience in business and domestic mediation. She’s also an expert on conflict resolution, with a master’s degree in the subject. Savage asserts the key to resolving conflict is to remain curious and to fight our natural inclination to dig our heels in. View her TedXTalk below:

A hostage negotiator on how to resolve conflict | Karleen Savage | TEDxValparaisoUniversity

Shannon Pearson, an accomplished workplace conflict resolution specialist and mediator, asserts that avoiding conflict only leads to more of it. She reveals that conflict often stems from unspoken vulnerabilities and values. Pearson urges us to step away from making assumptions and move toward listening deeply. By so doing, we can transform conflict into a tool for connection and understanding. View her TedxTalk below:

The secret to conflict resolution | Shannon Pearson | TEDxSurrey

Stay tuned for next week's post, where we'll focus on the leadership lesson that can be learned from reality television programs about coordination.

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