Check Your Personal Investments to Deal with Challenging Work Behavior

This post is adapted from a session I facilitated on workplace interpersonal communication.

At one time or another, we have encountered people at work with whom we just did not click. I know I certainly have. In those moments, I wanted to wave a magic wand and make the person disappear into thin air. Much like the sock that disappears somewhere between the washing machine and the dryer. Unfortunately, unless your last name is Houdini or Copperfield, making people disappear is not an option.

So, what can you do?

Check your personal investments.

No, I’m not talking about your mutual fund. I’m talking about your investment in the relationship. There are three types of professional relationships in the workplace, each with a differing degree of investment.

The first type of relationship involves minimal purpose-specific contact and involves a low degree of investment. The second type of relationship involves regular limited contact and involves a medium degree of investment. The third type of investment involves frequent extensive contact and involves a high degree of investment.

The degree of personal investment you have in the relationship will dictate the approach to use when interacting with the person involved.

Minimal purpose-specific contact

Definition: Contact that is relatively infrequent or intermittent. This contact is brief in duration and is made with a specific purpose or objective to be accomplished.

Example: Early in my career, I worked at a large communications company on a temporary assignment. I used to dread dropping off my copy jobs in the reprographics center. The man who worked behind the counter had a lousy disposition. He was often rude and abrupt for reasons that to this day completely escape me.

Still, I only had to interact with him once every couple of weeks, and my interaction was (thankfully!) very brief. No longer than 5 minutes. I filled out the copy request slip, handed him the originals, and went on my merry way. My limited purpose for initiating any interaction with this gentleman was to simply ensure the copies my supervisor requested were made and ready on time.

Approach: Remain pleasant, smile, and keep going. Because you don’t have to see or interact with this person regularly, your investment is low. Thus, it is not worth your time or energy to delve into the person’s quirks and idiosyncrasies. You do want to remain pleasant, however, because you do need this person’s cooperation to accomplish your objective.

Regular limited contact

Definition: Contact that is regular in occurrence. This contact is limited, however, to usually pre-determined intervals in space and time.

Example: A friend worked as a supervisor in a high-stress sales environment. Every week, the supervisors in her group were required to participate in a 30-minute conference call with the regional manager. The calls would often take on a familiar tone, with the manager stressing that the numbers posted by the sales representatives for the week were too low.

At times, she would single out a particular supervisor for their subpar performance and berate the person while the others listened. The regional manager had a very strong personality that didn’t necessarily translate well in a teleconference.

Approach: Unlike the person at the copy center with whom I only had to interact occasionally, my friend was obligated to sit in on these often-unpleasant conference calls. In theory, I could avoid dealing with copy center guy by simply asking a co-worker to do me a favor by dropping off the copy job. My friend had no such “out.” If you find yourself involved in this type of professional relationship with a challenging person, your decision as to whether you will speak with the person will likely depend on your tolerance level.

If you find that the situation is having an adverse effect on your work performance or that of your co-workers, however, it is time to have a conversation. Couch your concerns as a challenge that you are experiencing as opposed to a problem that the other person is creating. Explain that you want to reach a common ground with the other person that will ultimately result in the betterment of the department, company, etc.

Frequent extensive contact

Description: Daily contact with immediate members of your team with whom you must interact for an extended length of time. This includes your supervisor, co-workers in your department, and your administrative assistant.

Example: You have a co-worker with whom you have been partnering on a large project. The problem is you have been saddled with a disproportionate share of the workload. Your co-worker promised on numerous occasions to complete any number of tasks only to fail to deliver. You, then, are forced to complete the work on your own without any assistance.

Approach: When you find yourself in this type of relationship with a person exhibiting challenging behavior, you need to escalate the problem-solving process. For situations such as these, you can employ the following model:

The Eight Ps to Resolving Conflict Constructively

1. Resolve to maintain your professionalism. Before you attempt to approach the individual with whom you are experiencing conflict, resolve to maintain your professionalism. Assess how you are feeling at that precise moment. If you don’t feel as though you can approach the person calmly and reasonably, take some time to decompress. You never want to react out of anger because you may say things you will later regret and it’s impossible to put the toothpaste back in the tube.

   
   

2. Keep proper perspective. To do this, you need to ask yourself a series of questions. First, does the issue have far-reaching implications for your financial stability, emotional well-being, or personal safety? Second, is this issue as problematic as it seems or are you making it much larger than it needs to be? Last, will you feel the same way about the issue after you have had a chance to sleep on it?

   
   

3. Pause before you speak. If, after careful consideration, you think the best course of action is to approach the individual, take some time to think about what you will say. Moreover, don’t stop at thinking about what you will say. Jot down some notes to organize your thinking and guide your conversation. Choose your words carefully. Consider how they may be construed or misconstrued.

   
   

4. Refrain from attacking the person or the personality. As tempting as it may be, do not assail the person’s character or take a magnifying glass to their faults as you see them. Not only is this unprofessional, it is also counterproductive. The only thing you will accomplish by taking this approach is to put the other person on the defensive. And a defensive person is unlikely to be receptive to your message.

   
   

5. Acknowledge and address the problem. This goes hand in hand with the previous “P”. Rather than attacking the person or his or her personality, acknowledge and address the problem. To do this effectively, you will need to approach the person with a win-win proposition. In other words, couch your conversation in such a way that if the challenge can be resolved, circumstances will be improved for both parties. Stick to facts and be prepared to explain how the other person's behavior is contributing to the problem. Give examples to illustrate how the conflict is negatively impacting the work environment, i.e. lower productivity, decreased efficiency, compromised customer service. If you can relate the problem to job performance, customer satisfaction, or team success, the other person is less likely to get defensive.

   
   

6. Practice active listening skills. Once you have shared your concerns with the other person, be willing to listen actively to their response.

   
   

7. Present solutions. Work together to come up with solutions to the problem. Can you come up with a compromise that will work for both of you? Explore a number of solutions.

   
   

8. Propose a course of action. Agree upon the best solution for all involved and devise ways to implement it immediately.

Overcoming challenging work behaviors can be difficult, but it's not impossible. Use the strategies discussed above which align with your relationship and degree of investment to work productively and resolve conflict.

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